Lessons

I think I'm starting to understand why the oncologist told us that some people experience PTSD when the dust settles after cancer. It is stressful. This is not my cancer, but it is certainly taking it's toll. I'm glad that she doesn't have even more on her plate.

I was in the military. I went to Iraq. I did not experience any kind of post traumatic anything. I also deployed into the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. If anything were going to scar me, I think that would have been it. I'm glad it ended when it did, I'm not sure what it would have done to me had I stayed even longer. Throughout both of those experiences, in fact, throughout my entire enlistment, there were a couple of lessons that helped.

Learn to (quickly) identify that you are not in control. It sounds simple, because it makes total sense. But it is not simple. Instincts often want to take over in a high stress environment. Sometimes, though, there's absolutely nothing you can do. Sometimes you just have to hang on for the ride and trust that it's all going to work out, that the people who are in control of the situation have some idea of what they are doing. This rule applies to riding in helicopters, amusement park rides, and cancer. The tricky part about this rule is that sometimes, even though you have accepted that you are not in control, you still have a job to do. Sometimes you have to make sure that the logistics are laid out. Sometimes you have to make decisions, or aid in those decisions. Sometimes you want to second guess everything.

When I was in training for SERE we spent a lot of time focusing on the POW experience. I'm having a hard time right now remembering where these principles first came up, but I think it was in watching a video interview with a former Vietnamese prisoner, likely Floyd Thompson. (If it was Thompson, it is important to note that the man was held as a POW in Vietnam for NINE years. Think about that.)

(Have you thought about it? Really? Okay)

The person being interviewed was asked how he managed to keep his sanity and not be "broken" for while being held in captivity for such a long period and what advice he would give to anybody else in a similar situation. His advice has helped me cope with every low period I've had since.

Always hold out hope. Know that it's going to end. In the POW situation, know that you are either going to get rescued, escape, or the war is eventually going to end. You will someday return to the life you've left behind. It's important not to give up. The same thing holds true with cancer. It's a long way off, but someday this mess is going to be behind us. Someday we're going to be the one's giving this advice to others who are going through what we are going through now, and we're going to be so grateful that it's not us going through it again, and we're going to remember what it was like.

Don't set deadlines. While it's important to know that the situation is going to end, it is just as important not to set timetables. The person in the interview recounted how he knew so many people who said things like "six months" or "this will all be over by Christmas." When those events passed and the situation hadn't changed, it was too much to bare. It broke their will.

I know that this will end. I know that this Summer is going to be hard. I know that the months immediately following will be hard. But I also know that, eventually, it will all get better. I know that while these things seem almost insurmountable now, these hard things will become second hat (that's a saying, right?), and then eventually they will fade.

I am grateful for these lessons.