Round 2

We are less than 24 hours away from receiving the news. The cancer is back. Sara had surgery on Tuesday, which was supposed to be her last, to finish up the final phase of her reconstruction. At that time, they removed some tissue that everyone thought was scar tissue from the last surgery. It was sent into pathology just to be safe. It really wasn't even on our radar. But the call came in yesterday that it was, in fact, cancerous.

We're here now. At the cancer center at the University of Michigan. Again. Sara is in the back in imaging and I am in the waiting room. I believe that my first job is to get over that feeling of how incredibly unfair this is. It's just that, when we were here before part of the deal that you make with yourself is that you can go through all of this, that you can handle anything, because you'll never have to do it again. It's been over two years since I was in this room. It really is too soon. It feels like I was just here last week.

I'm not sure when I'll publish this. If I'll publish this. We haven't gone public yet. This is going to suck.

I don't know how scared I'm supposed to be. The first thing Sara's surgeon said yesterday when she called her back was to tell her that this is treatable. Apparently it was on the underside of her skin and this is a common place for a recurrence. So maybe this is just some more shitty luck with incredibly good timing in that we caught it when we did. Originally Sara's surgeries were supposed to be done a year ago, and we probably wouldn't have caught anything then, so this is kind of fortuitous. On the other hand, this comes after a mastectomy, chemotherapy, and hormone treatment. And so I'm terrified.

I don't want Sara to have to go through this again. She's worked enough. She's suffered enough. I just want her to have a good life. goddamnit.

I know this post is a bit of a downer. Luckily, it's not going up yet. Hopefully, by the time it does it will have some good news and a more positive outlook attached to it.