Time capsule

When I was in high school, everyone I knew who was pregnant fell into one of three categories: Friend of my parents, parents of a friend, or teenagers. All three categories have the common characteristic that they are overwhelmingly unplanned. People in my parents' generation already had their kids, and their kids were already mostly grown. They didn't want to have more. And, teenagers. Well, that one seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? So when I came to the mistaken assumption that the vast majority of pregnancies were the result of accidents, I didn't feel so bad to figure that I, too, must have been an accident.

I wrote an essay essentially to the effect that I was okay with being the result of an accidental pregnancy; that my parents treated me with love and compassion, and that everything pretty much worked out for the best. At some point I shared this with my mother and imagine my surprise when her response was "but you weren't an accident." It turns out that she and my father actually tried really hard to have me.

I gotta say, that felt incredible. To know that I'd been wanted all along.

My child is going to feel that. My child is going to feel that times 1000. Right now we're in the middle of a push to save our fertility (I suppose I should plug that here: Our fundraiser), but even if that turns out to not be an option. Even if we go with adoption, our child is going to happen.

I think it's still kind of unnatural to our generation, even though we were the first of the internet age, to really appreciate that something we put here can be permanent. I can, for instance, right now, address a message to the unborn, unknown child that I'm talking about, and that child may someday be directed here to read it. How strange.

We wanted you really, really badly. I thought you should know. It's hard to imagine your parents as having existed before there was a you. I can't imagine my father ever being this open with me, and I'm pretty sure that I'll have a hard time pulling it off with you when you're actually in front of me. Right now, I don't know the first thing about you, except that we appreciate you, and that a whole lot of people helped us to ensure that you would be here. That's gotta feel pretty good, right? 


To everyone else, sorry for the sap.